My First Panic Attack
June 2006
7 months after my son Donovan received his heart transplant at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, we were finally sent home. After 3 plus years and countless procedures, Donovan was cleared to go home and be a kid!
But the damage was done.
About a week later we had to return to Philly for a routine checkup. As we came down the exit from 76, just a small section of CHOP came into my view.
Immediately I was struck by a thunderous pain in my chest, like nothing I had ever experienced. Numbness and tingling in my left arm. Within an hour I was having delusional thoughts and paranoia. We had no idea what was going on.
This lasted over 2 years! Medication after medication, no help. Only made it worse. Then came the hospitalizations. Over 30 days total, still no help.
It was at a point after this had destroyed my marriage, my body and my mind that I found myself in a stranger's office. A therapist that had agreed to meet with on short notice while I was in the area staying with my parents. After speaking with me for about 30 minutes, she said something that changed my life.
She said "I feel like you were once a very spiritual person. I think you need to return to that".
That one observation broke the dam. I threw myself into research, both spiritually and medically. And what did I learn?
That my amygdala had reset itself to be in a permanent state of Fight or Flight. The only solution was to retrain my brain to be at peace.
Consistent meditation with the medical understanding of what was happening in my brain helped me create the internal peace and bodily awareness that lowered my Fight or Flight response to normal levels.
I have been free from medication for almost 20 years.
I still freak out sometimes, lol. But I know exactly what's happening and how to handle it.